Lenten Live Series 2026 #3 – Human Formation
by Annie, ARK
Active listening = really deeply listening to someone, attuning to them, trying to understand and meet them where they are. Active listening leads to greater understanding and connection.
Examples of where we might use active listening include therapy, interviews, in a classroom (hopefully!), or with a person you respect.
Passive listening = not fully engaged, half paying attention, missing queues and information.
Examples of passive listening include background music, listening to the radio, news, etc.; in arguments where we are waiting for the other person to finish speaking so we can make our point.
How much active listening do I do in my closest relationships? Where am I not fully seeing someone or taking them in?
With active listening we feel validated, valued, understood, and connected to the person; without it, we feel invalidated, misunderstood, unimportant, angry/defiant, and disconnected. Ultimately we tend to stop liking people who aren’t listening to us; we disengage from conversation or relationship with them; we stop trying. When this happens it can lead to breakdown of relationships or family units.
Active listening requires cognitive effort and concentration, which can be difficult to sustain for some people. Fortunately, this is a skill that can be learned and developed.
How do you know someone is listening to you?
You know someone is not actively listening to you if the reverse of each of these is occurring: if the person is on their phone, interrupting, making inappropriate facial reactions or incorrect eye contact, etc.
Suggested exercises to improve your active listening:
1. In Contemplative Prayer, identify someone who could benefit from a little more of your undivided attention, or who you are mis-connecting or disconnecting with. Try to practice actively listening to them this week.
2. Make a list of words that describe how you feel when someone is really listening to you, and another list of words to describe how you feel when someone is NOT listening to you.
3. Give yourself a score out of five for each of the listed components of active listening. Pick your lowest three and actively practice implementing them in your conversations throughout the week (even if this is in a role play setting).
